Call it what you will – instinct, intuition, gut-feeling or spidey-senses – sometimes we just get a feeling… you know what I mean. These feelings trigger us in certain ways – positive and negative, towards something or away from it.
There are a lot of reasons for these feelings:
reminds us of someone or something that made an impact on our lives
an old fear we had is triggered by a current circumstance
there is something not congruent about a person, place, or thing
So our mind sends out an alert.
When we are moving towards being a more relationship-based leader sometimes we will be triggered. There is a path through that became clear as I worked with these triggers when they arose in me. At that time I was managing others, and sometimes I would wonder what had control over me as I was overpowered or undermined by certain of my direct reports. I was unable to be a leader to them. Yet most of the time I had good boundaries, contact, and communication. Just not in these circumstances – with that type of person. I was triggered – caught in a trap in my mind. We all unconsciously fall into these traps until we become aware of them. Then it’s all over – we can see it – we have choice.
These triggers bring about the first step on the path I mentioned. This path is for people interested in personal growth – it will affect your ability to be in relationship, in empowered leadership – dramatically. The first step that I described is Awareness.
Sounds simple, doesn’t it? However when these triggers have been in place for most or all of your life, it can be difficult to even see them. Once you realize that you act weird around certain people or things – just start noticing it. Taking note of when you do it.
An example might be: you’re leading a meeting and you can’t keep order – interrupt people when necessary – without it coming out too harsh or meek. Become curious about why you are acting this way. There is a reason – you are not naturally dis-empowered or weak.
Becoming aware and cleaning up a childhood fear will go a long way in a case like this. Then there is an Acceptance that it is in your hands to change it – you are the only one who can. Authenticity – ‘re-membering’ who you are as an individual and showing up as you – in the world – is the next step on the path. Research shows that when your verbal and nonverbal signals are out of alignment, people read that as inauthentic. They feel forced to choose between what they hear and what they see. And subconsciously, they’ll believe your body language. It’s time to clean up that body language and move forward. The QuickRead Method will point out places that your face and body are showing these fears to anyone with instincts, and eyes to see.
Once you have aligned with who you are, next is Authority. You are now authoring your life. What you put on the next page is up to you. Because this is not a linear path and there are deeper levels of riches to mine – the next step is Awakening. Awakening to your own empowered leadership style and becoming the one excited to be you!